Noodles on a Bike

How to properly give the finger?

Some lady in an ESCALADE nearly crushed me today, it was all I could do to remember to lay on the horn and bring my arm up.
But actually leave the middle finger up?
Nooo.

How am I lacking this skill?

Instead I just shook my limp fingers at her, it probably looked like I was having a heart attack. And hey.
I could've.

SHE WAS IN MY LINE GOING THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION OF ME.
DO YOU COMPREHEND?!

As in two lanes. Three cars.
Escalade tries to pass by coming in my lane.
STRAIGHT AT ME.
yeah.
Scary!

Shouldn't be allowed to read into things.
Haha.


Amy knows what I'm talking about.



In other news:
I saw Catch and Release with Annie-Poo today. It was pretty good.
Kind of superficial.
Kind of... chick-flicky.

But okay.
:)


And 'Coley and I got to hang out.
I bought like... a million and one lip thingies.
Because I liked them, a lot.
Whee!

Oh, and if you count early morning as today... yeah.
That was very good.
Very very.
:D



Good day.

A glorious past few weeks!
:D

Magical!
Wonderful!
Awesomely-awesome!

ANd a billion other adjectives.
:)

Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

ERIKA CRUSH STAFF MEETING!


ick.
I never want to do one of those ever again.
icky ick ick.

The manager that hired me is leaving.
:/

It really sucks.



On a happier note, I get more hours!
And bathroom duty!
pooray!

Talk about exciting past few days.
:D

Erika is happy.
Very very happy.

Um yeah.
Good days.

Got to see Dwight finally on Saturday.
:Dxinfinity

Sunday... I worked in the yard.
And worked and worked. ick.
And I met up with Anne! We had a good talk.

And... today!
I went to work and worked out helllaaaa.
Then I came home and decided to clean my car hellllaaaa good.
Then! I had to help my dad dig up the septic tank so that the guys can pump it.

So I'm currently really sore.
Actually I've been sore since Sunday morning.
Sheesh.

Maybe tomorrow will be low impact.
haha.
right.

Was a good day.

My blood's all donated.
:)

Which means I get to eat like a pig, because they told me too.
:D

I think I drank too much water though.
:(
Something I refuse to explain to you unless you give blood with me.
:P



Mkays.
Now that I've used all the smiles in the book I'm going to go eat dinner.
Because I've got Religions class in an hour!

I get to donate blood today!

Hooray!
:)

If all goes well it'll be my fifth pint!
One away from re-paying my debt to society and three away from the gallon club!

:D
I'm super excited!
And I won't forget to eat this time.

Which means that I've officially made up my mind.
:(

I'm an idiot.
And next time I won't be so careless with my feelings.

And perhaps I'll think things through before getting involved with something that has an "All signs say NO" attached to it.


I guess... I, or females in general, or, as humans in general, probably, have a need to be desired, to feel desired.
And we often throw all morals and beliefs out the window for happiness, regardless of how fleeting or unstable that feeling is.

Andre Dubus III's House of Sand and Fog has a really awesome quote, "...perhaps this explains the face of Americans, the eyes that never appear satisfied, at piece with their work, or the day God has given them; these people have the eyes of very small children who are forever looking for their next source of distraction, entertainment or a sweet taste in the mouth."

It's painfully true. We are in a constant search for happiness instead of just, having happiness.
Happiness is in front of us, 24/7, and yet most of us seek the superficial kind of happiness that comes from unnatural beauty, lustful romance and other things.


Maybe this is a good time to step away from that drive and start to look at natural happiness.
How I feel when Parnelli wags his tale, when 'Cole smiles at something stupid I do, when the sun shines on my shoulders, when I have a random talk with someone I'm close to, when my parents compliment me, when I get a pat on the back.

That's real happiness.

n0w0rries 4 (10:40:16 PM): Um. No good.
GiBByCaT2006 (10:40:18 PM): i read your blog and im confused
n0w0rries 4 (10:40:17 PM): hahah.
GiBByCaT2006 (10:43:54 PM): its true
GiBByCaT2006 (10:43:56 PM): i dont know what to think
GiBByCaT2006 (10:44:02 PM): i dont know who ur talking about
n0w0rries 4 (10:47:24 PM): Um, I'm kind of wanting to give up on Dwight.
GiBByCaT2006 (10:47:34 PM): then you should
n0w0rries 4 (10:47:53 PM): But he's reallly cute. And I've invested so much....
n0w0rries 4 (10:47:56 PM): ugh.
GiBByCaT2006 (10:48:19 PM): so what are u gonna do
n0w0rries 4 (10:48:30 PM): I don't know.
n0w0rries 4 (10:48:31 PM): :(



And that's the truth as it really is.
I just don't know what to do or think.
ick.
It's easier when I just ignore these things.

I received happiness (happyness, Lol) from unexpected places.

Ugh.
Erika wants to give up on the cute redhead.
Really really badly.

He's too much trouble.
And I'm not sure he really likes me the way I am.

He'd rather have me thinner, more toned, more sexy... blah blah blah.
Is it worth it?

I want that for me too, but I need support in liking how I look now.
Which I do, but who doesn't want to be more healthy?



This whole, constant second-guessing can't be healthy.

It's just sucky.





Oh well.
At least I get to play tennis with someone who really loves me.
'Coley and I will kick your balls in a game of tennis. :)

And not remembered what the dream was?

I couldn't remember my dream this morning.
But I woke up sweating, feeling very stressed and really lonely.
:(

Really really lonely.
I thought I was going to cry when I woke up, that's how terrible the dream must have been.
:(

ick.

For a sure thing.
And then it doesn't work.


I don't know.
I was hoping someone could cheer me up, make me feel better.
And then.
They didn't.

But, other people did.
People I didn't expect to make me happy.

Jones Soda: "Lowering expectations means less disappointment."

Which is weird, because I got that cap today. And tonight I sought the comfort of three males.
All who did not give me the comfort I craved.

And then two unexpected males made me feel, so much better.
It makes me wonder about my choices.

And then it makes me smile that I've chosen these guys as my friends.
:)

And the others... who the hell knows.

fuck it.

I'm not going to call her.
I'm not going to find out why she's such a bitch.

The fact of the matter is, she's a bitch. And that's how she's always been and how she'll always be.

And I "only hang out when it's convinent" for me.

FUCK YOU.


This is the girl who tells my only secret as a way to pay back me back for not calling her twice.
Fuck that.
Fuck that.

I mean, what the hell?
Am I honestly that terrible of a person?

I especially love how mature she is when she handles things.
She knows it's going to get back to me.
Fuck her for not even being mature enough to call me.
fuck her.


Gawd.

Why did I even put up with her at all? Ever?!

Well I am one of them.

In order to swim ofter the dog I removed my pants, shirt and sweatshirt (not in that order obviously) and ran around the pond in my skivvies.
Thank goodness I was wearing my sports bra and not a regular bra.

Anywho.
Everyfucking person and their mother drove by.
What the hell are so many people doing home on a Monday at one?!!

But yeah.
Five of my neighbors have now seen my in my underpants.

ACK.
Stupid dog.

Labels: neighbors, panties, swimming, underwear

I could use a good beating for our seven year old black lab.

Is there somewhere I can send him to be humanely(haha) beat to death?




FUCKING DOG PISSES ME OFF.

I tried to swim in 38 degree water.
And if I fucking break out in that fucking rash from being in the pond....
I will fucking kill that dog.

The little asshole.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

A lot.
:(

Just Friends is hard.


:(

I mean, I know I'm a cynic, I'm always like, anti-love this, anti-love that.
But when it comes down to it, life is about experience.
And the only way to experience things is to be open about everything.

And no, don't worry. I'm talking about being in love with this new guy.
It's the same guy I've loved for almost three years now.
One of those silly love at first sight things when I really truly, readily believed in love.

ARGH.
It's just... this guy.
I mean, I never forget about him, a day does not go by when I don't at least have a fleeting thought of him... but, is it actually truly love?
Or is it just a silly girl's wishing?

Probably.

But, it makes me feel happy.
Even if we're just friends.

Am I supposed to just sit back and be chased?



But I so much like the chasing.
:(

Saturday didn't work out.

As you can see, I'm home at ten.
Not making out with a cute boy.

ACK.

if I'm being played.

I talk to this one.
A lot.
But... I just don't know if it's right to trust him.

I suppose... you never know.
And then, get hurt.



GAH.
I sound like an emo.
And I'm not.

I'm actually high on chocolate milk right now.
My judgement may be slightly impaired.
:hiccup:

And it sits well with me.
:)

Hmm. I hope Saturday works out.
This one's a real cutie.
:)

And that makes me really sad.

Oh well.
Live and learn.


And who knows, maybe there's a good excuse?

and he's kind of making me smile.


:)

Makes me feel sexy.

I'm not really sure why.
Maybe that's just the ole Prednisone still talking.

Or maybe I like being all hott and sweaty.
LOL.


Okay.
But seriously, I could get used to this whole, having a job and getting paid money thing.
Especially because I finished my fifth book today and started my sixth.

Il est tres tres chaude, mais il faut tres bronze, oh la la!
(traslated: It's very very hot, but you get very tan!)
-Mme Soper talking about l'enfer (hell)

Get your asses in the chair- this isn't a party!
-Mr. Courtemanch

I sit like this because I'm a woman, yes, I am woman, hear me roar!
-David A.

shirt that says: I RIDE THE SHORT BUS
"Awww, that is the saddest shirt I've ever seen!" says Erika.
"Yeah, except for he's like 6'1" so there's no way he could fit on a short bus." says Anne
"Um, Anne? The short bus is for the special-ed kids."
"Oh. Well, then maybe I should ride it!"

Everyone had nicknames in my day, like if we named the Mexicans they could be the Tacos.
-Mme Soper

I called my friend Oriental and a student said that rugs are Oriental, people are Asian, so next time I see my friend I'll tell her she isn't a rug anymore!
This whole political correctness is very new!
-Mme Soper

Don't you just love politically correct crap?
-Mr. Courtemanch

Expiration dates are for weenies. Real men eat expired food and then puke their guts out.
-Mr. Courtmanch

Do you really believe it's a disease making all that noise?
-Amy D.

My son just got back from Thailand and Japanese Land.
-Mme Soper

Well... lik, um, it was kinda like a, um, combination of really hard and like, difficult, yeah, like, yeah.
-Stephanie, freshman in Drama

talking about the no freaking policy at dances:
"So they don't lets us have dry sex at the dance because they want us to go home and have real sex right?" says Erika.
Pherf raises his eyebrows.
"Hey! Let's go to that one empty lot tonight Erika and... look at the stars!" says Anne.

I'm going to show you something slicker than snot on teflon.
-Mr. Courtmanch

Damn you and your life!
-Christian R. about my busy-ness

When billard balls collide.
-Physics video

I BELIEVE!
-Mr. Courtemanch

So commence breeding America.
-Stats article read in class

Enough with the empowerment and encouraging quotes, you're all just another cog in the machine, get over it and then die.
-Mme Soper

Breast Cancer!
-Pherf

People fall in love with ugly things all the time.
-Erika

I know how we could get the gaurds in England to laugh, all we have to do is say, "Hey! Look at my friend Erika!"
-'Cole

You should be writting us a thank you everyday of your life.
-My mommy

It's the work of Satan!
And so close to Christmas too!
-Mr. Courtemanch

I didn't know we owned margarita glasses, how come no one told me we had these?!
-Gina, age: 8

listening to Green Day's Wake Me Up When September Ends:
Why does he hate September so much? Or does he hibernate through September?
-Gina

Qui veut danser?
-Mme Soper

Excuse me, I've made a mistake, can I borrow your rubber?
-Mme Soper

Here's your leash dear.
-Teresa, Brian's (my blind person who has Smokey) girlfriend

One thing you learn about Guide Dogs is that you have to be firm and consistant- just like men!
-Teresa

How many could I fit in my mouth again?
-Christine

Shut up before I slap you in the breast.
-Pherf

Freaking is like sex with clothes on.
-David A.

Necco Candy hearts (since 1902):
"You're Gay" just doesn't means what it did in the 1920's.
"Please send a lock of hair by return mail."

They're all so full of self-image that it spills over and burns the rest of us... like acid.
-Mme Soper

He went to Pondo and I went to El Dorado, he took French and I took Spanish, and yet we still got married. I'll tell you what, the cultural divide was so difficult... moral of the story, do well on your test.
-Ms. Longo, French sub

"Oh God." says Paula.
"Ne prayie en classe! Ce n'est pas un eglise, prayie en silence mais si Dieu alle ici je pense que Pierre n'est pas pret." replied Mme Soper.

Now she's a reformed prayer!
-Mme Soper

Kind of like cigarette smoke.
-Mme Soper

Pherf with a red moshi pillow on his head and a red shirt on:
"He looks like a red condom!" commented Emily.

"Those look like some pot-smoking trouble-making loser teeangers." said Dylan (Kevin, my sixth grade tutoree's best friend).
"Is that what you call all teenagers?" asked Erika.
"No, not you."
"Oh, so I just suppose I'm a loser then?"
"No... you're a super loser!"

Your soul mate married someone else and now you have to marry your soul... mate... less.
-Mme Soper

Let me remind you of freshman year: Do not throw things in class, especially not pointy objects across the room.
-Mrs. Selk

I am sorry for throwing pointy things in class.
-Greg R.

I like pancakes!
-Erika

Eggs in the air! Eggs in the air!
-Mrs. Spiess's son

Oh wow! The people!
-Mrs. Spiess's son

Yeah, he's psycho, and it only gets worse as the day goes on.
-Mrs. Spiess

Republicans see a homeless guy in the street and punch them in the face!
-Ms. Garland

Yeah, you should have seen him in class today, Mr. Harrison is still tied up.
-Dylan about Kevin's behavior

That sucks like a bucket of ticks!
-Mr. Courtemanch

I'll give you ten bucks if you hit David.
-Shane G. during catapult testing

A department store mannequinn who's tired of her job.
-Erika's idea for a Who's Line Party Guest

Spriggy.
-Courtney

Whoa, if you can I could somehow join together and become Asian maybe we could get into college!
-Erika talking to Kelly H. about school

You're the first person to actually give me an answer to the Hokey Pokey question. And the strange thing is, it wasn't a bad answer either.
Are you crazy?
-Kelly H.

Boy, thou uproarious shark of heaven,
Slaughter of Elysium,
Hearts on Fire, aroused, enraptured,
We will tolchuck you on the rot and kick
Your grahzny vonny bum.
-A Clockwork Orange

"Them's figtin' words!" Blake
"But... I didn't say anything!" Erika

But, that was before the forgiveness and Jesus and stuff.
-Mme Soper

I've never felt resistors this hot in my entire life!
-Curtis M.

Yes, go and get your refridgerator.
-Mme Soper

And... ew!

The super-de-duper body builder guys... ew.
Sooo gross!
Like, okay, abs, are hott. Defined arms are hott, shoulders too.
But these guys... ARE MASSIVE.
Seriously, they have these tiny little waists and these huge shoulders and biceps, but the ultimate gross part is how freaking big their thighs are.

It's like, I'm sorry for saying... but how do these guys, "do it"?
Because their thighs basically take up the entire space of where... yeah. And those tiny little swimsuit things don't seem to have a large muscle in them...

Basically. Ew.

$600.

And Erika's officially won the dumbass of the year award.




But I got to do a happy dance today!
And not just because I hung out with Emily and Johnny (:D).
But because....


I GOT A B IN ENGLISH!
I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THAT CLASS AGAIN!
:HAPPY DANCE:
:HAPPY DANCE:
:HAPPY DANCE:


But... in regards to the $600...
I'll have to pay for next semester too.
Unless I get good grades.
Then it's refunded to me.
:sigh:
And the scholarship money is gone.
Until I prove myself worthy.

Especially because Johnny's coming.
:)



And... because.
Well.
Yeah. The world is at peace. For now.

Go to MPC.

1) I fucking hate FLC with a passion.

2) I am so fucking tired of the people there.

3) I am the cause of more arguments between my parents then money, cars, family and the other children.
Combined.

4) The family might even like me if I was away from them for a couple months. I haven't spent more than a week away from them since Spring Break. That's enough to drive anyone (my family and I) fucking crazy.

Takes 40 minutes out of his work day, yes, his work day, to talk to me because I am having a bad fucking day.
40 minutes to tell me I'm smart, and that I can accomplish anything and to tell me I'm beautiful.
And you know what? I felt better.

My mother takes 7 minutes out of her TV watching to say the exact oppopsite of everything my dad had said.
That I've already ruined my life, and that she's going to make my life a living hell and that if I'm dissappointed in my weight I should "get off my fat lazy ass and do something about it."

Wow.
Thanks Dad.
Mom, you're a fucking bitch.

Get the fuck out of here.


My mom basically just said she didn't give a fuck about me.
And she started talking about my fucking weight.

I honestly don't think I can fucking handle it.

Needs to stick a different colored stick up her ass.

Okay.
Let's start with 11:30.
I was supposed to leave to get my car aligned. I had already missed a previous appointment because I'm a fucking dumbass.
So I get up late today, shower quickly and for once I'm fucking on time.
And the god damn car won't fucking start.
Failure one.

Failure two.
I checked my grades.
Only one is posted.
I got a fucking D in Chem.
I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE BIOLOGY NOW.
And I can't stand another fucking day in the fucking class.
And now I'll have to re-do it.
I know I made some fucked up decisions last year but I tried to correct it. And now they're fucking biting me in the fucking ass.

I just feel like such a fucking failure.
again.


I'm tired of this crap.
I'm fucking sick and tired of being the family fucking failure.


I wish I had died that fucking day.